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Binge Living

i was born without an Off switch. i have no Stop button.

Let’s look at the basics.

    • Sleep: i stay awake as long as i possibly can, sleeping only a handful of hours every night, until i am angry and depressed. Then i crash and can sleep a day.
    • Food: i starve myself until i’m sick and suffering from low blood sugar and then i eat enough food for three people.
    • Drinking: Even now that i’m Dry, my coffee intake is measured in pots, not cups.
    • Writing: i get a real buzz when i write and now that i don’t drink anymore, i’ve replaced drinking and hangover time—which was all the time—with writing time.
    • Sex: Tonight i attended my first Sexaholic Anonymous meeting.

To overcome my obsessions, my sponsor has prescribed 90 meetings in 90 days. Apparently, meetings are the only thing i refuse to binge on because i told him i’d do 7 in 7 and then we’d see.

The Bottom Line___________________________________________________

i am addicted to too much. i’m addicted to extremes.

i am addicted to addiction.

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About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home. http://about.me/AlKHall

Posted on September 25, 2011, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. It really helped me to see this post today. As the person who lives with you, and spends the most time with you, I really feel the reverberations of all of the above. (The addiction/OCPD. I’m not just name-calling: I know what it is because I have it, too, just expressed in different forms/ways.) I can feel the addictive part of your brain wanting to hold on, to hold fast to the obsessions, and I really feel it when people say that the disease is cunning, baffling, powerful. It’s hard not to feel swept up in its wake, carried along by its flow. It’s hard to stay out of your way so that you can do your work, but also hard not to speak up when I can feel the tide of the OCPD/addiction rising. As your loved one, it is hard to swim alongside you in the water and not feel I am drowning sometimes. But just so you know, I have my life-preserver on me, too. I want to make sure I am doing my work so as to help and not to hinder, so as not to perpetuate a co-dependent cycle.

    I wanted you to know I am thankful and grateful that you are reaching the goal of 7 in 7. Just a day at a time, right? I am proud that you have made it to four of the seven. I’m glad you could commit to at least that. I think you can do 90 in 90, too. But only one day at a time. Just focus on getting this week under your belt. If there is something you need help with — like boiling noodles or making rice or baking fries for when you get home — please don’t be afraid to ask me. I will do my best to do it. And then see where you are at after the 7 days. Knowing that this is something important for you, an important goal to reach, I’d like to step alongside you to help make it possible with you (this is the first I am reading and knowing that 90/90 was recommended for you… Sometimes I wish it were easier for you to tell me these things in person instead of having to read them in a blog… But at least I came here today to see this, and was really happy to see it, and have some understanding of where things are at right now. Maybe this is (my understanding of) a higher power intervening on out behalf???).

    This stuff is not easy. But I would like to see you try 90/90, and I will do what I can to help you accomplish that goal.

    I love you,
    Your Wife

    • Hi Mrs D!

      i appreciate your taking the time to stop by here. i see what you mean about my doing the whole 90/90 thing, but i’m not sure i’m up for it. It seems like such a huge commitment. i’ll take the meetings a day at a time, but don’t be surprised if i scale back to my normal 4 a week.

      i also appreciate your offer of help, but you know how i hate to be a burden and ask for favors, especially with all the sacrifices you already make when i have my kids on the weekend. Still, it’s nice to know you’re by y side!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  2. P.S. I found some information, and wanted to refine the above a little — not only OCPD, but also OCD; see this post here: http://everyoneneedstherapy.blogspot.com/2007/03/ocd-versus-ocpd.html

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