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Today’s Epiphany

A Bright Idea

Literally. Today is Epiphany because the 6th of January, Epiphany, is the Christian holiday celebrating the wise men visiting baby Jesus.

“Epiphany” is also the word that means “sudden realization of great truth”, and is basically how i’m going through the AA steps. With each step, i’ve had an epiphany where i’ve understood the essence of the step.

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

My realization here was the second part of that sentence. Everyone knows the part about “powerless over alcohol”, but when i heard the “unmanageable” thing, my recovery kicked off. i clued in that the way i’d been living my life wasn’t working.

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

My sponsor helped me with this one. He told me that AA Meetings were my Higher Power. By going to 4-5 meetings a week, i found something i could have faith in that wasn’t religious…something that paid me back more than i put into it.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

My epiphany with this step came at a meeting when i shared about how i had problems with humility and fear. It suddenly came to me that giving my will and life over to the care of God meant i had to be humble, because i was admitting “someone” else could do something that i couldn’t; namely, control my unmanageable life. On top of that, there was no reason to be afraid because i wasn’t in charge anymore. God was in the driver’s seat, so i no longer had to fear where the car was heading.

Like they say in the program,

Step 1: i came

Step 2: i came to

Step 3: i came to believe

Thanks to Mrs Demeanor, who made the link between Epiphany and Epiphany for me when we were in the shower.

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About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home. http://about.me/AlKHall

Posted on January 6, 2012, in AA Step Work, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery, Toolbox and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. What a great place to have an epiphany … And with your wonderful bride! Coming up on 4. Awesome !!! Mel

    • Mel,

      i know, right!?

      Actually, i’ve finished Step 5 but i thought my post was getting too long and i didn’t want to bore anyone! A post on Step 6 might be interesting, though… Hmm.

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  2. Man! You WORK a program! EVEN in the shower. Good work!
    I love this post my friend. When is your anniversary? Coming up, no?

    peace, Jen

  3. I’m glad I found your blog, so much interesting to read, ponder and to learn!

    The concept of “giving will and life over to the care of God” is still very abstract to me, but I hear about it all the time at the AA meetings… To a certain extent I do understand to let go… to let higher powers have its way – it’s not as if I have much to say about my life anyway. What happens happens right, whether I want it or not. Well not always… oh I’m rambling hahaa

    But I learn, by listening to others who (in sobritey and recovery) has walked before me and try follow in their steps.

    • River!

      How nice of you to stop by! i’ve linked your wonderful blog on my front page and wish you much success both with your writing and your sobriety.

      As for giving up to God, it is a difficult concept. For me, it means not trying to make things go my way. If i find myself frustrated, angry, sad…almost any kind of negative emotion, it usually means i was trying to be too controlling and am not happy with the outcome. When i’m able to catch myself out at this, i slow down and try to remember that when i tried to control things i ended up drunk and desperate and that maybe i should stop controlling. So i do something that makes me happy (movies, reading, writing) and let life happen around me.

      Keep coming back!

      Al K Hall

      • Wow… thank you so very much for linking to my blog – that makes me incredibly proud! I would really reeeaaaally love to see that I keep this blog alive and do not become one of those who relapses and disappears from the face of the blog world. It would be a great accomplishment to maintain my blog right up to 1 year of sobriety. I will bloody do my darndest!

        Also, I’ve copied the second paragraph of your reply to my comment and pasted it to a text document in my iPhone. It is so very well put and I will read it as often as it takes, for me to remember and to understand.

        Take care Al K!

        • No problem! It’s a pleasure for me to help guide people to such a sincere and honest place. Reading your shared experiences can help people along their way, i’m sure. Good luck keeping it up!

          i’m flattered you would copy something i’ve said to your phone. That’s what these blogs are for, so we can share what we’ve learned and help others along their way.

          Keep coming back,

          Al K Hall

  4. Awwww, thank you for giving me the props at the end. I really do appreciate that a lot, very much. 🙂

    I really love this post. And I am really glad that you have god as you know him/her in the driver’s seat at this point. I have to say, with you drunk driving, things were getting pretty scary. 😉

    Seriously — I really like understanding/knowing what epiphanies you have had with each step. It gives me confidence and trust that things are working. I’m deeply grateful to AA for helping to turn things around for you.

    Love,
    The Missus

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