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Sobriety Brought Me To My Knees

These past few weeks have caught me in a place i’d promised myself i’d never go again. On my knees.

i was very religious in another life. i was president of my church’s youth group and preached a sermon before a congregation of 200 odd people. Then i became disenfranchised with the hypocrisy of organized religion and converted to agnosticism. i wouldn’t bother God if he wouldn’t bother me.

AA has strong religious overtones. Fortunately for me, here in Yeaman, the Christian aspect of the program isn’t stressed so much as giving up control of your life to a Higher Power of your own choosing. One of the guys says his Higher Power is Bus #59 because that’s the bus that brings him to the meeting room.

After my religious falling out, i have surprisingly little difficulty accepting a Higher Power. i tried controlling everything for 28 years and i screwed my life up royally. For me, the key is in that sentiment: a Higher Power is a power outside yourself that can “restore you to sanity”.

So every morning i get on my knees, in a very physical and real way, and i pray for guidance to a power outside myself and Higher than i ever was in my drinking life.

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About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home. http://about.me/AlKHall

Posted on January 9, 2012, in AA Step Work, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Dear Al, The God thing really irritated me and I am a God kind of Gal. I too found a
    non-god god , meeting that suited me.

    OK here goes the big Question:

    One year coming up. This blog is VERY helpful and important. Is it going to be here after that chip is in your pocket on Saturday????

    I REALLY HOPE SO!

    I am going to be hitting on alcohol HARD very soon (I mean in my blog, not the closet or the laundry room…) and it is really really helpful to have a blog to steer people to. No. Strike that. Not A Blog; YOUR BLOG! This Blog.

    Ok that is my question.

    Peace, Jen

    • Jen!

      i’ll keep the Chip in my pocket and not on my shoulder!

      i will definitely be continuing this blog as i’m constantly learning things in my recovery and my family and friends are sick of hearing about them, so i need some place to vent them!

      i’ll be around for a long time and i’m in it for the long haul!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  2. I’m amazed you reconnected with religion so easily. I like the idea of bus #59 being the higher power. The Meetings are a huge source of spirituality … lots of people think of their home meeting as their high power, right?

    Congratulations again. It’s amazing that you’ve regained you life and health! Bravo! melis

    • Exactly!

      My Higher Power some vague force situated outside myself. Maybe someday i’ll write a long, boring post about it but for right now, i’m glad to be here and glad to be sober! Whatever works…

      Thanks for stopping by, Mel, and Keep Coming Back,

      Al K Hall

  3. “i’m constantly learning things in my recovery and my family and friends are sick of hearing about them…” Ummmm, not me! Maybe your kids are sick of it, I don’t know, but this is the place where I can see it’s working and where I feel you are courageous enough to share your process work. So you can speak for whichever other family member you want, but not for me! I really enjoy knowing about what you are learning and it helps me, too.

    As for the content of the post, I say “Whatever works.” “God Stuff” scares me, for reasons you know about from talking with me, but I also know Step 11 is where the rubber meets the road, for only if we are, in my terminology, following our spiritual path can life satisfaction come, whether one is a recovering aka sober alcoholic or not. Everybody needs to work out their Step 11 in their lives (and the only reason I remember it is no. 11 is that I think 11 is a totally groovy number. Not just because is is the anniversary of your sobriety from booze. It’s a sacred number to me. It’s just, ahem, “coincidence” that all these 11’s are flying all over the place!).

    Rock on with the knees stuff. I hope that you start hearing some interesting things as you not only speak and ask for guidance, but as you also listen to the answers.

    • Hi Angel!

      It’s true you’ve never gotten on my case for being too AA, but it is nice for me to be able to come here and write out what i’m thinking. As a writer, it helps me to process.

      So yep, rocking on with my knees and you’ll be the first to know should i start hearing voices.

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  4. WOO HOO!!!!

    Congratulations my Friend. You are fighting and winning the Good Fight!

    You are an inspiration and a hell of a writer.

    Peace, Jen

    Big Fan here by the way…

  5. Congratulations on one year, Al! I discovered you by way of Jen, and am glad. As the daughter of an alcoholic dad who found his way to sobriety, I know what a good gift your sobriety is for you and the people who care about you.

    Step by step,
    Paulann

    • Thanks for visiting, Growth Lines! Isn’t Jen’s blog wonderful?

      i couldn’t agree more…my sobriety is a blessing to myself and to my family. Everybody wins!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  1. Pingback: Al is Celebrating One Year of Sobriety; HUZZAH! « Step On A Crack…Or Break Your Mother's Back

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