i made it! Today marks my one year anniversary of sobriety and i’m psyched. When i look at the wonderful changes that have taken place in my life since one year ago today, i’m amazed. i had no idea i could feel so optimistic about the future!
Thinking about it all day today, i think the single most important change in my life is not something that’s mentioned in the AA Promises. Believe it or not, thanks to my recovery, i am able to love better.
Back in my previous, drinking life, i was continuously obsessed over what i was drinking, when i was drinking, when i could drink again, when i couldn’t drink again because i knew i wouldn’t be able to stop once i’d started, why had i drunk again because i felt like crap with a hangover i wanted to die from, how i had embarrassed myself when drinking, what excuses to make to my family and friends over why i’d drunk again, should i go on the wagon again and if so when and for how long and how long would it take for people to cut me some slack so i could drink again without feeling guilt a trip from them, just myself…
All this took an astonishing amount of mental and physical energy. Now that i don’t have to spend every waking minute calculating the costs of my binges, i’m free–totally free!–to spend this care and attention on others. i’m not perfect yet, but i’m able to give more love than i would have if i were dead, and i’m giving more love than i have in 30 years.
i’m off to a good, fresh start.