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When A Drink Is Not A Drink

Whiskey Flavored Condom

When Is A Drink Not A Drink? When It’s A Condom!

Last Tuesday, i was the secretary for the AA meeting and an elderly woman came up to me afterwards to tell me that something i’d shared was very intelligent. i know, i couldn’t believe it either, but there you go. What did i say that got her attention?

i shared that when i was drinking, i thought i craved a drink, but i was wrong. i did not want a drink, i wanted what the drink represented. i wanted acceptance, admiration, laughter, excitement, passion, sex, Love, yes, Love. i wanted booze to lead me to Love with a capital L. But it never did.

Sometimes the alcohol took me close to these things, so close i could taste them, but then it always let me down. It let me down so hard that i woke up sick with bruises and no money, doing inventory to see what i had lost and accountability of who i owed apologies to.

And then, a few days later, i would head down the bottle to chase that same feeling again. i kept looking over and over again in the same place for something i had never found there before.

This is what they talk about when they talk about alcoholics and insanity.

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About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home. http://about.me/AlKHall

Posted on May 17, 2012, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. I can totally see this.

    The saying, in OA was, “doing the same thing and expecting different results” … something to that effect.

    Just wanted to check in on the other post … i was too afraid to read the comments that i instigated about “smart people” not being very nice (although that is NOT what i meant). I think there’s a distinct difference between (a) achievement and (b) spirituality. I think all of us got our attributes (or lack thereof) confused. I did. I own it.

    In my defense (if this is necessary) … i have always had my own perspective … always gone my own way … and whether or not people think i’m wrong and/or not a nuclear physicist … there is always a nugget of truth (or at least) something there. I have an interesting perspective on lots of stuff. I believe that.

    So, that being said, oh wonder woman Mel, i will try to accept other opinions as long as i am offered the same support.

    I find that sometimes we pick out ONE opinion, or ONE person to follow their every word, their every suggestion. To me, that is dangerous and it blocks you from you true self.
    HOWEVER!!!!

    Sobriety is different. Follow the plan: Stay Sober at any and all costs.

    The lesson … open mind where Open Mind is possible and shape your own values, take the bits and pieces you believe from all the people you think have something to say, or something to share.

    So anyway … i’m mixing insanity with free thinking … maybe there isn’t a difference. Get back to me.

    Blessings for being sober and running so many blogs! Mel

    • A guiding principle in my life has always been to question authority. i also try to separate the bull from the shit, as sometimes a “great thinker” will have some good ideas but some other ones that suck. i’m not a big believer in absolutes, either, so i totally get what you’re saying. Thank god you’re a free thinker and drumming to your own beat! A sign of true intelligence if there ever was one!

      Keep coming back, Mel,

      Al K Hall

  2. I love this post, because I’m attracted to the idea of figuring out what’s behind the things we do. What wrong beliefs led me to take these incredibly wrong actions – and lead me to keep taking those wrong actions over and over? Thanks for sharing.

    • i was talking to a fellow reader about this… i need to figure out what “hole” alcohol was filling and what the craving for alcohol was masking because when i do that, i can take concrete steps to resolve those issues and meet those needs through other, more efficient means.

      Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by, to read and leave a comment!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  3. working on it

    See? I told you that you were smart. Others see it, you should too!
    Still on the right path, fingers crossed.

  4. I like this post a lot. 🙂

    I confess, though, that now I am singing the Buckwheat version of “Wookin’ pa nub.” (Let’s see if the video will embed here. If not, I’ll leave the link.)

    I also like the dwarf wobbling comment you left up there! 😀

    Ms Celeste E Hall aka Mrs Kiki Demeanor 😉

    • Orrrrrr, some combo of embedding and linking will occur on its own via WordPress, lol. The vid does link. I checked.

    • Hi my Birthday Angel!

      Thanks for taking the time to stop by and leave a comment!

      Wookin’ Pa Nub indeed!

      Keep coming back, Celeste E Hall,

      Al K Hall

  5. Man oh man I could have wrote this post myself…except for the opening about leading a meeting and having someone tell me I said something intelligent. lol But that second paragraph on down to the end is/was (I say was because I’ve been sober since 4/8/12 so I’m not drinking anymore) me! When I was drinking people liked me because I wasn’t shy anymore I was the funny girl that made people laugh (at my own expense because I was so drunk doing stupid obnoxious stuff). It made me feel accepted which I craved. Man…I could go on and on. Great post! Thanks for sharing it.

    • Thank you for the kind words, Ginger!

      And congratulations on your new sobriety. After visiting your blog, i’m sure that soon enough you’ll be leading meetings and stringing together more pearls of wisdom than you would have ever thought possible.

      The wonderful thing about AA is that you’re automatically accepted as soon as you walk in the door, and you don’t need to be drunk to do it!

      Keep coming back, Ginger,

      Al K Hall

      PS i’ve added you to my blogroll, so hopefully some of my readers will stray over to your blog!

      • Thank you for adding me to your blog roll! I need to start one now that I’m starting to find some great blogs (you’ll be added to mine as well!). That’s one thing I did notice about AA – from the moment I walked through the door to my first meeting and every meeting since then, people really do accept me. It’s so hard for me to know how to handle this sometimes! It’s weird having people accept me for ME…if that makes any sense.

  6. Yea… the alcoholic truly is stupid. I am amazed of how stupid I am when I drink, it’s almost uncomprehendable. Thank goodness for AA, where all of us sober alkies can gather and feel normal in our insanity.

    Thank you for sharing this post, it is food for thought!

    • Hi River!

      “Feeling normal in our insanity”! How true. Glad you appreciated the post and thank you for your kind words.

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

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