Self Pitiful

Really Universe? Really?

One of the first ever revelations i had in AA came when i’d just started in the rooms and was still wallowing in self pity. At the time, i believed the entire universe had nothing better to do than plot against poor, pour me because i was its center. Yes, this was unfair, but then everything that ever happened to me was grossly unfair. Emphasis on ‘gross’.

There’s a stoic motorcycle cowboy with leathers and a long grey ponytail who comes to the meetings and he’s a very quiet guy but when he does decide to speak, it’s golden. The first time i heard him say something, he addressed this idea of “The world is out to get me”.

He said,

If my roof is leaking it means two things.

1) There’s a hole in my roof.

2) I haven’t fixed it yet.

All of a sudden, i realized the Universe wasn’t responsible for my problems, i was.

About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.

Posted on July 21, 2012, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. How about when there’s a whole bunch of shit wrong? One hole in the roof, ok … I’m really too tired to make a list … i’m not at risk of “fixing”, but i’m not getting something … so i’m not gonna think tonight. I’m gonna sleep very soon.

    • Aww chicky I’m sorry. I know that too many holes in my roof to care mood and it sucks but believe me when I say it passes, it really will. With a lot of work. Again I’m sorry.

    • True true true! It’s something i need to keep in mind especially when everything seems like it’s going wrong, because that’s when it’s super easy to think the Universe has it out for me personally. When everything seems to be hitting the fan at the same moment, i need to remember that 1) the Universe is not targeting me and 2) to fall back on the Serenity Prayer. i need to sort out what i can and cannot change on my shit list and then go through the things i can change as well as i possibly can.

      Not to say i’m perfect at this. When life sucks, it sucks hard and i’d be lying if i said i went through the tough times with a Mary Poppins attitude. Still, in the past i would’ve used under these circumstances and when i woke up my house would’ve been flooded from all the leaks in all the roofs. At least now i may be wet, but i’m still standing and still fighting.

      Keep coming back, Mel!

      Al K Hall

  2. working on it

    This is an interesting post. At work my motto is where there’s a will there is a way. I think everything can be fixed if you dig deep enough and I get frustrated when people give up. I’ve earned the nickname of worlds happiest cynic bc I am very cynical by nature but I hide it with a smile and a let’s hope this works even when I know it won’t. I just passed my 20 yr anniversary so I’ve been around long enough to know….that’s at work…

    Growing up the motto was life isn’t fair. We learned pretty quickly that when you’re shat on, you take a shower and move on. I’m my own worst enemy and if there is a thumbtack on my chair chances are I’m the one who put it there. I can’t blame the universe. I need to apply the same work principles and fix it.
    Im sending positive thoughts for your situation.

    • Go Working On It!

      You’ve mastered the attitude, to be sure. “World’s happiest cynic”… What a cool title!

      Keep coming back, my friend,

      Al K Hall

  3. Reblogged this on The She Chronicles and commented:
    Wisdom only AA can offer.

  4. now that’s beautiful. frickin’ perfect!

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