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The Bottom of Me

Used 2012-07-25 Hit Bottom - Tender Bartender

The Only Bottom i Haven’t Hit

i love writing this blog because i’m a hell of a lot more eloquent with the written word than i am when i speak. When i talk, i trip over my tongue and get emotional and my voice cracks and i forget to breathe…

Tonight, as i was setting up the coffee for AA, the secretary asked if i would share. i agreed because in AA i always say yes, but i wasn’t looking forward to it. i’m not much of a public speaker and i know the stress i demonstrate detracts from my message.

My share was kind of babbling and rambling but at least i didn’t get too shaky. However, while i was tripping over my own tongue, i stumbled on a truth.

As i was talking about all the challenges that i’m facing at the moment, i heard myself say,

It’s not easy, but i won’t let it get to the bottom of me.

As soon as i said it, i knew what i meant.

In the past, difficulties provided me a perfect platform off which i would throw myself into the depths. No more. Thanks to sobriety, i now have in my core something immoveable that life’s storms cannot move. i may feel rough on the surface, but deep down nothing will get to the bottom of me.

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About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home. http://about.me/AlKHall

Posted on July 24, 2012, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. jumpingpolarbear

    I’m sure you did very well, buddy. I also get very nervous when speaking infront of serveral people, but I guess that’s something many of us have problems with. Keep staying positive, and don’t let anything knock you off your path!

    • Thanks for the encouragement, Bear! While i have you here, i was wondering if you’d checked out my review of The Dark Knight Rises at thebarnone.me, my sex and drink blog. i’d be curious to know your thoughts.

      Keep coming back, brother!

      Al K Hall

  2. Sounds pretty eloquent to me! I would rather rip my tongue out than speak in public. Thank goodness for email and texting. Glad you are making it through.

    • Working On It!

      It sure reads pretty eloquent, doesn’t it! Anyway, the more i speak in meetings, the easier it becomes and i don’t let it get tot the bottom of me so it’s all good in the end.

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  3. I shared once at OA. I absolutely froze. I was never approached again.

    However, your message: I have that core now … i like to spew my bad days on my blog, but i know that “fixing” isn’t an option. I have other resources to implement to sort out my surface problems. I’m alive and healthy … the rest is gravy, albeit, the gravy is thick and bumpy sometimes, innit friend? Hang in there!!!!

    • Mel!

      Spewing is a tool! What a great concept. As always, i’m in admiration of your strength and your warrirorness!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

      • Thanks Al! I am so glad you are in program and that I (me me me) get to live vicariously through your recovery with your meetings. What I learned from 12-Step programs is that relationships and trust, and supporting other people is what “does a body good”. I get so much from your honesty and “realizations” … not to mention the way you work your program. You have always been so supportive of me. I really thank you for being able to seperate yourself from other peoples’ sh**!

        You seem to have the ability to interpret my blog as what I intended it to be: Just one intense woman’s journey out of a mind-fu***** disease (or two). Right now, i’m burned out because i seem to hurt everyone’s feelings, or people get scared by my rants. OR, maybe not … but that’s my interpretation, and it’s a bit draining.

        Still, staying well, and perhaps adding a little happiness into each day is all i ask for. Today, peace, happiness, connection and sobriety. I am an addict in recovery. I know what to do (but i don’t always do it) 😉 progress, not perfection. Cheers pal, andd imean tea to tea ! Mel

        • Hi Mel,

          Thank you for saying such nice things! i do love your blog and i do get that sometimes we need to blow off steam. Life builds a lot of steam and it’s got to go somewhere, right?

          I know what to do (but i don’t always do it) 😉 progress, not perfection.

          Exactly! “We seek spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.” Just like it says in the Big Book. The program works if you work it and don’t let anyone tell you how to work it except your Harper Power.

          Keep coming back, Mel,

          Al K Hall

          • Arf. The importance of Dogs. I think that’s what i should call my blog, and kiss the rest of my spilt milk behind. Not to say i’m not gonna pop my top (on, that’s gonna happen), but i’m done with bulimia and booze. It’s time to write about the journey towards wholeness in my own SILLY way. LAUGHING all the way, giddy up. TA TA, and i WILL keep coming back. HI CELESTE, if you are around!!! Hope you are hanging in there … ox

  4. That is strength

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