In A Pickle

Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you pickled to see me? sobriety recovery alcoholism

Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you pickled to see me?

A pickle can’t go back to being a cucumber.

One of the first truths i learned in recovery. Alcohol pickled my brain and now i’m permanently an alcoholic. No matter how much not-drinking i do, i will never go back to being a non-alcoholic. i cannot reverse my chemical make up and become “normal” again. It’s like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube, or an adult attempting to believe in Santa Claus once more.

Another take on the “A pickle can’t go back to being a cucumber” theme:

There was this very cool woman in my newcomers meetings. She was sincere, down to earth and humble without being insecure. She once shared that, even if she decided to start drinking again, she could not go back to the drinker she had been. She could no longer be cavalier about her drinking.

i began writing on the internet with a blog that glorified drinking in general, and my own drinking specifically. As an alcoholic in recovery, i still run that blog (after all, i’ve met some people in AA who still continue to tend bar), but if i ever started drinking again, i could never go back to being the guy that opened The Bar None.

The problem with my Devil-May-Care attitude was i found it he did.

[Click here to see other SlogAAns &  sAAyings found in recovery]



About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.

Posted on October 23, 2012, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. jumpingpolarbear

    Like the slogans! “Think, Think,Think” can be used in so many parts of life where we let our desires get the best of us!

  2. Wow, i hope the dude from Sonoma wasn’t a trigger (see statue). It was sort of a joke!? Keep NOT drinking and believing that you can’t “sip” anymore. Doesn’t work that way for anyone i’ve known personally (well). Keep workin’ it!

    • No worries, Mel! Have you seen some of the stuff i post over at the Bar None? lol ‘Preciate your concern, your wishes and your words!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  3. This post made me start to cry good, happy tears (oh wait, no — I mean, I watered from my eyes about it. Shel’s expression, lol). It was this sentence here: “The problem with my Devil-May-Care attitude was i found it he did.”

    I am so, so grateful for that. No matter what else in life, that you found you care is just huge and wonderful.

    While you may be a pickle, and no longer a cucumber, a toothpaste tube with no paste in it — you have found the tender place of caring, and I don’t know if you could have done that without being in the places you have been, you know? It’s a part of your story now. I’m just really happy that you have experienced the other side of going from the cucumber, to the pickle, to the relish. HEY there, how’s *that* for a nice play on words?! You can truly relish life now that you have made it to the other side because of your sobriety, and that is a fuckin’ cool thing. 🙂

    (BTW, when I picture the Devil caring, he is kind of like the South Park Satan, lolol. Not really important, just thought it was a funny thought. :D)


    • i can relish life now that i’m a pickle! Love it! 😛 Thanks for the support and the encouraging words. Glad i could reach across the distance and touch you with my humble words.

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

      • You’re welcome. I’d say it was a pleasant serendipity that the “relish” thing came to mind. And it is kind of true, too, that the pickle has to get chopped up into tiny little pieces to become relish, eh? To lose the ego and give oneself over to the higher power/process of recovery is a bit like getting shredded up sometimes, I am sure, lol. But relish is sweet and good and really adds to things — I may be an egg-eating mostly vegan at this point, but man, I sure can recall that a hot dog sure is nice with some relish on it. Yum. I can imagine it now… Kinda just keeps going that image does! 😀

        Nice to see Anne down there! I’ve not talked with her in a few days. *waves* Hi Anne!


  4. Miss Anne Thrope

    Feeling kind of stuck in some level of ambiguity around the end of this post. As in, what?!?!? My heart leapt into my throat the first time I read it, seeing it as somehow saying you had slipped or stumbled in your recovery. But then looking at it again, I just don’t know what it means. I have my fingers crossed for you, old friend, and am hoping I’m just tangled up in what you left unsaid.

    • Kitten!

      Sorry for the ambiguity. Nope, no relapses, not even close. Which is kind of what this post is about; why i’m not tempted to drink anymore. The reason i decided to post it is simply that i’ve been trying to remember the quote for a long time to put on the SlogAAns &sAAyings page and it came up during my last meeting with my sponsor, so i added it to the page and commented on it here in the post. Thanks for the concern, though!

      And keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

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