i’ll Procrastinate Tomorrow
i love the above picture: it’s the epitome of procrastination. Basically, it’s the short version of “It was easier to put this piece of paper here than empty the dishwasher. I’ll do it later–unless you want to first.”
Procrastination is one of my biggest character defaults. Alcoholism complimented that very well because i could hide behind the bottle to escape doing what needed to be done. Some of my procrastination (like with cleaning) was borne out of laziness; most of it, though, was fear based.
i was afraid of taking mail out of the mailbox, and then i was afraid of opening the envelopes once i finally did. i was afraid to answer the phone and the doorbell would send me into a near panic. i was afraid to do most anything because i knew that if i did it, there was a chance i would fail. So it was easier to not do anything at all. Until it wasn’t.
One of the main reasons i attempted suicide in January 2011 was linked to financial problems. Those troubles originally sprang from—and then were exacerbated by—fear-based procrastination. Like a drunken ostrich, i was burying my head in the bottle hoping my problems would evaporate. In the meantime i was afraid to check my bank account, scared to open mail from my bank, and petrified of picking up registered letters from my landlord at the post office.
In sobriety, i’m learning 1) to recognize procrastination the moment i tell myself “i’ll do that later” and to do it right away, (2) that “rigorous honesty” means confronting real life on its terms and dealing with it as best i can, 3) avoiding an unpleasant action is far worse than doing it.
“Emptying the dishwasher” with consistency means my dirty dishes don’t back up and mess up my kitchen.
Posted on November 13, 2012, in Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged alcohol, Alcohol Insanity, Alcohol Procrastination, Alcohol Recovery, alcoholic, alcoholism, Alcoholism & Procrastination, Gratitude, Insanity, Instincts, mental-health, Procrastination, Recovery, sobriety, What i learned in AA. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.