Past – Tense
In Year 1 of recovery, i was so excited to be free of the disease that i did not care where i had come from. Now in Year 2, the sheer distance i’ve covered makes it impossible not to notice where i was.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
That quote is from the AA Big Book, more specifically The Promises. That quote is testament to the fact that i am not fully recovered, because i still disagree with many of my readers and harbor regrets about my past actions.
Lately, memories come back to me at random moments, like stepping on shards of broken mirrors hidden in the carpet. Memories of how i mistreated friends, hurt those that love me, and even damaged my children cut me to my core.
The further i distance myself from the asshole i was, the more i realize what an asshole i was. It hurts to see how i behaved. That i did not know better does not lessen the pain.
That it means i am far enough removed from that guy to be shocked, however, does take away the sting, if only a little.
Posted on December 1, 2012, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged AA, AA Promises, AA Terminology, alcohol, Alcohol Recovery, Alcohol Regrets, alcoholic, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Instincts, mental-health, no regrets, Recovery, Regrets, Self Hatred, Self Pity, sobriety. Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.