My Butt Ugly Sobriety

Used 2013-04-08 Butt Ugly AlKHall Anonymous sobriety recovery

You, dear reader, have a beautiful sobriety. As someone who had the character defect of constantly comparing myself to others, i used to catch myself being jealous of how gorgeous your sobrieties are.

When i began my recovery, i wanted my sobriety to be the most beautiful sobriety there ever was. i wanted the Playmate Sobriety of the Year. i wanted a sobriety that was so hot people would notice us wherever we went and wonder aloud how someone like me could nail a sobriety like that.

This is not impossible. i could certainly bag a drop-dead gorgeous sobriety. The problem is, that kind of sobriety is high maintenance and i have a hard time in situations like that. i tire too easily of keeping a relationship like that going, and the risk is that i’d eventually think a sobriety that beautiful wasn’t worth the effort and break up.

Used 2013-04-08 Beautiful Recovery AlKHall Anonymous sobriety recovery

The other day i took a long, hard look at my sobriety and liked what i saw. My sobriety won’t win any beauty awards but we suit each other nicely. i have the kind of sobriety that teases me when i take myself too seriously and who doesn’t place unrealistic demands on me. i’m proud of my sobriety when we go out together, to a meeting for example, or when we simply spend time with friends because my friends like my sobriety a lot. Even better, i can be myself around my sobriety, and i need that because i don’t know how to be anyone else for very long.

What about you? What does your sobriety look like? Care to share a “photo” in the comments?


About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.

Posted on April 8, 2013, in Alcoholism, Recovery and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. Does it matter what your sobriety looks like as long as you have it?

  2. Love it. My sobriety is drop-dead effing sexy. It has a few blemishes and some fat days, but I love it. I worked my ass off for it to be this beautiful. I enjoyed the analogy. =)

  3. Love the analogy…very cool, Al.

    I could identify BIG time with this. I was very much into comparing my recovery. I still do at times. And it’s frustrating and makes no sense for me to and it really is a waste of my time. But I get caught up in it sometimes. But before? All the time. I would leave meetings just minutes in, tears in my eyes, racing to the door, because I felt that my recovery sucked and everyone else in that room was doing it better than me. Crazy, eh? I figured everyone was happier, more productive, working the steps better than me, doing more work than me, all were buddies and I was a slug. Insidious thinking, indeed. But like you, I am starting to look at my sobriety in the mirror of kindness, and seeing what it is I need to see – me. Nothing else, no one else.

    A beautiful sentiment and post, Al.

    Loved it.

  4. Does my sobriety look big in this?

  5. Great topic. I often ask my partner why he doesn’t tell the friends he used to use with, that he is trying to steer away from drugs or wear his days of sobriety around like a badge of honour. It’s certainly no secret just how big his problem is – how badly he suffers because of it probably is. I think he’d soon know who was on his side if he was proud of working on it, no matter how many failings occur.

    • Piercing!

      Thanks for the visit my friend. Agreed, i think your partner should be introducing his sobriety to his friends and bragging it up, like “My sobriety is so cool, just last night we went to bed early and woke up feeling so great!”

      Keep coming back,

      AL K Hall

  6. A normal-drinking friend of mine pointed out that no one gets style points for how they stay sober. I realize now how many different ways there are to get and stay sober…as long as the one I’m doing works for me and leaves me reasonably happy and excited to be alive, I stop obsessing over what it looks like. (even though it looks a bit like this:

  7. I had five years of sobriety, and worked very hard to make it look clever and pretty. I said yes to any AA request because I was supposed to, had the room laughing and crying every time I spoke, and slowly choked my clever little sobriety to death. Now I’ve been sober two months, I have a sponsor, I will only do spontaneous service (stacking chairs, washing coffee cups), and I say to myself every day that everyone else’s opinion of my sobriety is none of my business.

    I’m grateful for your blog.

    • Hell Nancy,

      Wow, what a great comment. i’ve been dialing back on my service as well in the last few months because i saw i was going at AA like i went at drinking and decided that wasn’t healthy. Of course, i clear these kinds of decisions with my sponsor, first, but he and i agree that i’m not living to be sober, but being sober to live.

      i’m thankful you shared, my friend.

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  1. Pingback: there is no right way | Tired of Thinking About Drinking

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