Sweet & Sour 16

Used 2013-05-01 Just Kidding AlKHall sobriety recovery

Just Kidding

My daughter turned 16 a couple days ago. i took her to her favorite restaurant for dinner, just the two of us, and bought her a variety of gifts that reflect her so well as she sits poised on the point between childhood and womanhood. Among the loot she hauled in were a visit to her favorite candy store and then expensive perfume from an upscale boutique. That in itself is a photo of where she is in her life.

i’m worried about her. The first day in her high school, she sat in the back row and befriended the only two girls who had failed a grade. Her behavior has been suspicious for the last year but i have no concrete proof that she’s done anything seriously wrong.

And it doesn’t matter. She knows where i’m coming from and where i’ve come from.

She’s 16 now, and she’ll make her own choices. But instead of giving her the choice between hanging out with losers and an angry parent, i’m giving her the choice between getting lost with losers and the feeling of having fun with a sober parent.

We’ll see…



About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.

Posted on May 1, 2013, in Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. The curse of being an alcoholic parent is knowing the horrifying things our kids are possibly up to. And we are in recovery, which makes it harder on us but better for them. You are controlling the one thing you can by being a sober, present parent to your kids. Sweet gifts, btw.

    • So true! God, if she does half the shit i did… i loved what you said about “harder on us but better for them”. i don’t mind doing the hard part as long as i can make their lives better. Still need to remember i cannot control their behaviors but, by setting the kind of example i talk about here, i can truly say i’m doing everything i can to let them know i’m right here beside them, no matter what.

      Candy and perfume it is for you on your birthday!

      Keep coming back, BBB!

      Al K Hall

  2. You are being the best parent you can be by being sober… I’m already nervous about parenting through the teenage years and my boys are only 8, 6 & 3! But if I think back to my teen years boozing and driving and boozing and partying it’s a miracle I got through alive. Being solid and present and loving and firm and all that you are being is all that you can do. xxxx

    • It’ll be a trick running in front of them to lead and lagging behind them to catch them if they fall, but parenting is a juggling act, right?

      Thanks for the visit, Mrs D, and keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  3. I have the same fears with my step daughter who is 14. I love the way you are handling it.

    • So far it’s easy because i don’t have any proof that she’s messing around. The day that happens, i’ll invite you over and you’ll be able to take notes…on how NOT to act, lol.

      Keep coming back, brother,

      Al K Hall

  4. Yeah, great perspective. I love it. I too am worried about my boys – and they’re only 3 and 5! I worry about their gene pool…yikes. But I can learn from your example – just let it go and let them figure it out. If they run into trouble, they know where I have come from too, and hope that they can lean on me. Truly a great gift. Groovy and touching post, kind sir 🙂


    • Hey Paul!

      It’s all about giving them choices and hoping they choose the right one, but being there for them if they don’t. Watching them leave the nest is tough because i’m so powerless over their actions… The best i can do is fly around them to show them it is indeed possible to fly.

      Keep coming back, brother!

      Al K Hall

  5. Nice choices in gifts. I can imagine the perfume. Big fan of allllll perfume.

    All I can say, is, if it were me, even at 16, I’d chose a loving, sober dad. Kids will always need their ‘rents. Parents don’t always know how to get through to kids, but they’re worth trying to “investigate”. And yet, You being You Sober is the best thing for everyone. Your sobriety first!

    • Thanks Mel!

      If memory serves, the perfume is Amour Amour by Cacharel…

      And you’re so right, my being sober is the best thing for everyone. i can be present and sober and let her know i’m there if’s looking!

      Keep coming back, Mel,

      Al K Hall

  6. Oh, Al, no coincidence that I found this post 2 days late, and as I’m sitting here worrying about my almost 13 year old… she is at a sleepover, and they are going “glow bowling,” it is almost 11 pm and they haven’t left to go yet! It is almost surreal, I am getting ready for bed, and my baby is getting ready to hit the town. Not a fun feeling, that’s for sure. The biggest blessing, though, is my sobriety… no matter what happens, I am clear-headed and able to deal, and what a miracle that is!

    BTW, still laughing at the picture at the top of the post!!

    • LOL! You know my take on this: “Coincidence is the language of God!”

      If it reassures you any, when i was talking to my daughter the other day about her “Worst Event of the Day” (if you remember that post about our Journals), she said “I missed you today, dad. Really.” So we’re on the right track!

      Now if i can only hold on for another 10 years or so… 😉

      Keep coming back, Miracle,

      Al K Hall

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