Used 2013-05-16 i don't fit in (AlKHall Anonymous sobriety recovery)

i don’t fit in

i’m Puzzled. Puzzled in the sense i feel like i’m in pieces, with rough edges trying to force myself to fit in. Yet no matter how hard i push, i’m still out of place and if you look closely you’ll see i don’t measure up.



About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.

Posted on May 16, 2013, in Alcoholism, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. Our thoughts are with you.

    • Thanks so much for the thoughts. i’m doing a little better already; i think just writing it down and putting it out there helped.

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

    • Sucks, doesn’t it? i just wanted people to know that even me with my irritating sense of eternal optimism has a slump from time to time. Fortunately, i know the cure: tons of sleep and tons of meetings.

      Keep coming, my friend,

      Al K Hall

  2. Ah honey. All the bad stuff passes. Definitely. Isn’t it BRILLIANT to handle life’s rough edges without sedation! You rock! No need to be puzzled. I’m beginning to realize that “puzzled” or “challenged” is my natural state of being. I bet it’s that way for lots of people! THANK YOU for being honest here. We can hold you up my friend, and we do!

  3. Who wants to be a boring old puzzle piece, though. They all look mostly the same and so maddening to find where they fit anyway. You are you and that is what we like and wouldn’t want you any other way.

  4. Hang in! I can totally relate! Per your comment to Mary LA and your “eternal optimism” – I found recently that all my positivity was wearing me out! Ha ha is that even possible? Well yes, i think i have been so afraid to feel pain that i just have worked myself to death trying to be happy – I. Must. Be. Happy. – lol! So I am riding it out this time… It’s getting better… Hope it gets better for you too!

    • i am, yes! i think i’m a little freaked out because i don’t remember having felt so blue since i got sober and it was the kind of funk that i got into when i was drinking. The other thing that displeases me is that there’s no reason for it. It just “came out of the blues” like when i was still active in my addiction. Oh well, the sadness is ebbing and i never once felt like i wanted to drink, so i need to look on the bright side!

      Thanks for your comment!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  5. I am feeling the exact way right now… there are some various external events in my life right now that are rendering me useless (at least it feels that way to me) in any particular part of my life. I keep telling myself, “this too shall pass, you know it will” but myself keeps saying back, “right, but what about RIGHT NOW, when it COMPLETELY SUCKS!?!” Sometimes you just have to ride it out (again, that’s what I keep telling myself)…

    • And ride it out we will. Fortunately, i never was even tempted to drink at the problem. Unfortunately, like i mentioned in a previous comment, there was no identifiable reason for my funk, so that was worrying. Oh well, one day at a time and here’s a dry toast to accepting the things i cannot change!

      Keep coming back, my friend,

      Al K Hall

  6. Forgot to comment on your suitcase photo. Damn, it’s good to be a gangsta. Too funny (in that fabulous dark-humored way)!

  7. I’m always puzzled. Puzzled at the meaning of life and how most seem to go about it so easily not questioning WTH is going on? How do so many go thru it so effortlessly/ fleetingly? I’m constantly thinking why am I the ONLY one with these deep, invoking thoughts about what is the point of life/mankind? Like WTH? Always questioning. I feel ya.

  8. And similar to what Miraclearound wrote re this too shall pass. When I’m feeling down, I just tell myself is all you can do is Keep Moving Forward and Tomorrow’s Another Day. And a day later, or on some rare occasions up to a week, everything’s back to being A-Okay. 🙂

  9. Thanks for the support Flbb! One of the reasons for writing a blog like this one is to get validation from people who feel the she, so that we ask feel a little less alone.

    As for the emotions, no worries! i wrote this post back in May and, to be honest, i don’t remember writing it or why i felt this way. Life moves and and i’m keeping up with it!

    Keep coming back,

    Al K Hall

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