Self Love

Used 2013-06-08 I'm of Two Minds (AlKHall Anonymous sobriety recovery)

I’m of Two Minds

Do i love myself?

As an infant, i was a playmate to myself.

Through puberty, i was a stranger to myself and, as i’d been taught never to talk to strangers, i felt very alone and alienated.

Then, i took up the bottle and got to know myself a little better.

When i was drinking i had a passionate, love-hate relationship with myself. i was like Sid & Nancy where i rocked both roles–enabling my own dysfunction with heartfelt loathing.

Towards the end of my alcoholism, i divorced myself in a very acrimonious and destructive trial. As i had to live with myself afterwards, there was a lot of blame and animosity.

Eventually, this led to attempted murder when i tried to kill my other half by killing myself.

Now i’ve passed the reconciliation phase and have been making up to myself.

Do i love myself? Hard to say.

i do admire myself and i’m better at listening to myself, which means i can live with myself again. And every day that gets a little easier.

What about you? Care to share your ‘personal’ relationship?


About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.

Posted on June 8, 2013, in Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. runningonsober

    I love and respect myself a hell of a lot more than I used to. Am I where I want to be? Not yet, but am I where I’m supposed to be? I think so.

    Progress, not perfection.

    Always enjoy your posts Al!

  2. Love the pic there!

    But loved what you said even more. I am not sure I could even try and add to something that was so perfectly summed up like you just did.

    Self love? Ugh. Challenge. I know deep down I do love myself, but it’s hard for me to even type it, let alone say it. But I know i do because of my actions. I don’t destroy my life on a regular or daily basis any more. I am not thinking of jumping under a subway train any more. I am taking actions to improve my spiritual condition, to be of service to others, to clear up my past life. Like Christy, I am not where I want to be, but I am where I need to be.

    Great post 🙂


    • Hi Paul,

      i really really liked what you said about the proof of loving yourself lying in your actions… Spot on observation.

      Keep coming back, brother,

      Al K Hall

  3. Really good post. Creative and well written (as if I’d know)! But, it comes from the heart indeed.

  4. The dress works. 🙂

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