Guess how much i’m a wimp

Used 2013-07-06 Saint Francis Prayer (AlKHall Anonymous Sobriety Recovery)

Despite my best efforts at hiding it, i know y’all know how much of a sensitive wuss i am.

For example…

When my children were little, i often read to them the beautiful book by Sam McBratney called “Guess How Much I Love You”. The only problem was, i could never get through the whole thing without getting all choked up. i’d have to struggle to swallow the lump in my throat in order to fight to finish it.

Last night, the same thing happened while i was reading Saint Francis’s Prayer in the Twelve and Twelve. i was in bed, reading along quietly, when i got to the prayer and, for some strange reason, felt compelled to read it aloud. i tried three separate times and failed miserably each time in making it to the end without guy crying.

So basically, i’m just checking in to let you know i’m still a pansy.

A version of “Guess How Much I Love You” read by a guy who contains his emotion much better than me.

About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home.

Posted on July 6, 2013, in AA Step Work, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. I can’t get through that book either!! You’re not alone!

  2. runningonsober

    Neither can I, Desta! I’m in the pansy club too!

  3. Oh Al ya big softy lug ya…lol. I am probably worse, kind sir. I can probably find a good cry in a shampoo commercial or when I hear “Save a Prayer” by Duran Duran or something cheesy if I am in a certain mood. I don’t know…it’s just that we’re sensitive folk…much more sensitive than the average Joe. I think as guys, we are expected to hold it all in. If I see a woman crying on the subway, I would just think it ok or normal – maybe she broke up with her boyfriend, or that she missed the rose ceremony of the Bachelor or something cornball like that (kidding!) If I saw a dude crying on the subway, I would probably think he’s toughing his way through a grand mal seizure and heart attack at the same time…and the guy code of course prohibits me from not interrupting or asking if he’s ok.

    I love hearing in meetings these big gumbas who look like they chew tires for leisure and bench press buses talk about their innermost feelings and who start to tear up. It brings me joy in that I am not alone. Most of the men i meet through the program are the kindest, gentlest people I know. And you’re no different Al. And yeah, that prayer does choke me up at times.

    Great stuff.

    I need a hanky. 🙂


    • Paul!

      Just last Saturday there was this huge guy with a shaved head and tats out to here and muscles that went even further and he called himself a “Rough Tough Creampuff”. He said he was afraid to go outside and he’s drink alone in his dark house, sitting in a chair and peeking between the curtains at the street outside because he was afraid to leave.

      While no one will every confuse me with a body builder, i have been accused of being “emotionally hardened” and, i agree with you, it’s great to see others like me show their weak side, because it means they can show me they way to unburdening myself of all this unnecessary baggage.

      Thanks for the visit, brother, and keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

  4. I am the same way with music, sometimes improbable songs make me choke up, and yet I love to sing along, so guess how embarrassing that can be!?!

    • i know! Music does it for me, too. Funny, when i was drunk i would get maudlin and listen to songs that made me want to cry, but it’s only when i listen to them sober that i actually do. God figure.

      Keep coming back, Josie!

      Al K Hall

  5. No worries, I find the older I get the more weepy I become. I like to blame on perspective.

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