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My regrets to inform you

Used 2013-07-22 What a Tradgedy (AlKHall sobriety recovery)

What a Tradgedy

First off, a huge “Thanks” to those of you who read and commented and sent me good vibes about my last post. Your suggestions really helped put me on the right track. As did a nice talk with my sponsor.

But before i get into that, let me just say i think i was a little misleading in that post. If i came across as a guy wallowing in guilt over my past mistakes, this isn’t the case. i did stupid things when i was drinking and sobriety has given me the clarity to see just how messed up some of those things were. i’m pretty good about ‘Respecting the Past‘ and i have a lot of tools that help me make a mental adjustment when i need to.

The question i popped in that last post was more of a question of semantics, and that’s how i presented it to my Sponsor last night.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

That quote is from the AA Promises and i thought i must be doing something wrong if i still had regrets. My Sponsor, basically, told me this is more of an ideal goal to shoot for, but not achievable for everyone. What’s important is not necessarily eliminating regrets, but more not letting them control me. And i’m cool with that.

i also mentioned my guilt over not being a better parent in the past, though i realized thinking that thought is a dangerous monster to feed. My Sponsor reminded me that every day i’m sober is one more day of “the past” that my children can look back on and remember and think, “Dad did the right thing today.” And it’s more recent to boot, fresher in their minds.

So thanks again, everyone, and here’s a dry toast to kissing regrets goodbye!

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About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home. http://about.me/AlKHall

Posted on July 22, 2013, in Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I like what your sponsor said. Great words to live by – a nice reminder for me too.

    thanks for this Al – glad you’re feeling better and I didn’t get the idea of wallowing much from your post. I think we just have periods where we are more aware of the past and it rubs up against us a little bit more than normal.

    Have a wonderful day 🙂

    Paul

    • Thanks Paul!

      i’m glad you saw i wasn’t wallowing! It’s just i love getting other sober people’s perspective about shit i’m going through and the community here online is chock full of people whose opinion i respect, like you!

      Keep coming back, brother,

      Al K Hall

  2. This was such a great follow-up to your last post, and I am so glad you wrote it! Please, please, I mean this… thank you sponsor for me, because I am really going to take his words to heart… I love the idea of each sober day is creating a better past for my children. Thanks, as always, for your insight, Al!

    • Hi Miracle!

      i’ll see my sponsor this weekend and i’ll be sure to let him know you found his words as inspiring as i did! “One day at a time” doesn’t only mean one day into the future—it’s also one day further away from the ugly past!

      Keep coming back, Miracle!

      Al K Hall

  3. “Daddy?” “Yes, son?” “What does regret mean?”

    “Well, son, the funny thing about regret is that it’s better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven’t done. And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, will you be sure and tell her SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!”

  4. Oh dude, I missed that last post as I was on holiday – sorry. Hope you’re in a better place. I really really recommend listening to Tara Brach about forgiveness… her talks have been so helpful to me lately in dealing with some major interpersonal shit to do with a tricky extended family member, stuff that I don’t blog about.. but anyway the new sober me actually lay on the sofa and listened to a talk by Tara .. there’s a blog by her about self-forgiveness here.. http://blog.tarabrach.com/2012/12/self-forgiveness-and-making-amends.html I do so recommend her she has helped me so much lately. I can’t believe I am this person recommending this sort of thing but this is the sober world we live in .. we don’t drink our issues away, we really try to shape and work our grey matter to think and feel our way through them. You rock, that’s all I can say, and you deserve forgiveness for past wrongs as much as the next person. Sending love to you xxxx

    • Hi Mrs D!

      No worries about the delay–i think i knew you were on holiday–and i thank you for the links. i’m at work right now, but as soon as i get home, i’ll be sure to give them a look and a listen.

      It’s good to know they’re helping you get through stuff…and like i said in my follow up post, it’s not that i’m having a tough time necessarily, but i do feel pangs of guilt over various things. So, i’m looking forward to looking into Tara Bach.

      Thanks for comment and friendship!

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

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