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RomAAnce

Used 2013-09-06 Drunks Sleeping With Each Other (AlKHall Sobriety Recovery)

Drunks Sleeping Together

i have a crush on this girl. She’s charming, timid and very pretty.

The problem is, i’m going to ask her out.

It’s a problem because i had no idea how complicated this is. And it is. Very. Hell, dating in civilian life is harsh enough without taking into account things like threats to sobriety, triggers and addictive thinking.

RelAAtionshps in AA

In Alcoholics Anonymous, there is a rule of thumb that newcomers (those with less than one year of sobriety) should not start new romantic relationships–neither with each other nor someone who has more sobriety than them (see the “13th Step“).

Also, and i didn’t know this at first, but ‘fellows’ of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on which way you swing) are discouraged from exchanging phone numbers as a way of reaching out.

Used 2013-09-23 Reluctance (AlKHall sobriety recovery)

Reluctant to reach out

With these land mines in mind, i took a couple steps to make sure my sobriety came first.

What i Did

  1. Talked to my sponsor
  2. Spoke with people in the program who i admire and who have more sobriety than me

What they said

  1. Take things One Date at a Time: Think only about the date your on, not the next one. Or moving in together. Or babies.
  2. Go in with no expectations. That way, if things don’t work out, neither person is tempted to drown their sorrows in anything stronger than a Mountain Dew
Used 2013-09-23 Winning her back (AlKHall sobriety recovery)

How to win her back (but not her front)

As for what happens next, well, i’ll keep you posted.

______________________________________

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About Al K Hall

Like a battered drinker or a punch drunk boxer, i am here for another round. For those of you who don’t know me, i’m a semi-professional writer on the rocks and a non-practicing alcoholic (if after 30 years of practicing, you still can't do something well, it's best to just give it up). For those of you who do know me, thanks for stopping by anyway and where’s the ten bucks you owe me? Welcome to my Bar None. A hole in the wall where we can hang out and trade the kind of stories you swap only when you’ve had one too many and either can’t find your way home or are afraid to. Hell, it’s cheaper than therapy and plus the pictures are prettier. Here we’ll crack open bottles and jokes and ‘last call’ are the only dirty words you’ll never hear. Pull up a stool and make yourselves at home. http://about.me/AlKHall

Posted on September 23, 2013, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Well, looks like you got some good advice and you’re well prepared! Woot woot! Now go toward and get that girl! lol!

  2. Given the way you followed the letter of the law regarding amends (yes, that letter to the insurance company is STILL on my mind, you can tell I need to get on with my amends!), there is not a doubt in my mind that you will handle every aspect of this relationship thoughtfully and respectfully. I can’t wait to read how it goes!!!

    Thanks so much for sharing this, you made my day!

    • Thanks for the support!

      It’s an honor just being nominated…uhm, just to be thinking about moving forward with this. If it works, it works, if not, i’ll be sober. To steal an old joke, “Sobriety is like pizza: When it’s good, it’s really, really good. But when it’s bad, it’s still pretty fucking good!”

      Keep coming back,

      Al K Hall

      PS Never did hear back from the insurance company on that letter. Dare i think it’s behind me?

  3. Lucky gal there Al…ha ha. Oops, got ahead of myself. Didn’t take your advice there. I too think that there isn’t much to worry about, in terms of you not heeding and taking advice, clearing it with your sponsor…and most importantly, your HP. Your HP wants you to be happy and with someone who you enjoy their company and vice-versa. We aren’t in the program to be monks (unless it be His will, lol). This is yet another chance to grow spiritually. Regardless if you are single and starting the dating scene, or already partnered up and patching things up and learning to grow together…it’s all a challenge for us. There are so many things involved in this, as you mentioned. It’s not just romance, but a life change and how we see and react to things.

    I am really happy to hear about this, Al.

    Good luck 😉

    Paul

    • Thanks for the comment, Paul!

      i’m looking forward to romance, with this girl if things work out, or another one if that’s the way life rolls. Your comment made me think that this desire for desire is a symptom of my getting better!

      i’ll be sure to let y’all know how this goes.

      Keep coming back!

      Al K Hall

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