i have a crush on this girl. She’s charming, timid and very pretty.
The problem is, i’m going to ask her out.
It’s a problem because i had no idea how complicated this is. And it is. Very. Hell, dating in civilian life is harsh enough without taking into account things like threats to sobriety, triggers and addictive thinking.
RelAAtionshps in AA
In Alcoholics Anonymous, there is a rule of thumb that newcomers (those with less than one year of sobriety) should not start new romantic relationships–neither with each other nor someone who has more sobriety than them (see the “13th Step“).
Also, and i didn’t know this at first, but ‘fellows’ of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on which way you swing) are discouraged from exchanging phone numbers as a way of reaching out.
With these land mines in mind, i took a couple steps to make sure my sobriety came first.
What i Did
- Talked to my sponsor
- Spoke with people in the program who i admire and who have more sobriety than me
What they said
- Take things One Date at a Time: Think only about the date your on, not the next one. Or moving in together. Or babies.
- Go in with no expectations. That way, if things don’t work out, neither person is tempted to drown their sorrows in anything stronger than a Mountain Dew
As for what happens next, well, i’ll keep you posted.
Posted on September 23, 2013, in Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, Lessons in Recovery, Recovery and tagged 13th Step, AA, AA Glossary, alcohol, Alcohol Recovery, alcoholic, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Dating in AA, Dating in Recovery, GlossAAry, Recovery, Romance in Sobriety, sobriety, Thirteenth Step. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.