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The theme of my AA home group meeting is “Adventures in Sobriety”. Initially, i was kind of uncomfortable with this topic because i was afraid the meetings would only remind me of how my once adventurous drinking life had devolved into a tepid pool of boredom.
Speaking at the meeting the other night, however, i realized this is a pile of Schlitz. i did not have many adventures when i was drinking, i had drama. Getting in a drunk driving accident, receiving an eviction notice and attempting suicide are not adventures to be relished, they are enormous screw ups in my rearview mirror that are getting smaller all the time. Good riddance!
On the other hand, exploring my city, writing daily, trying things i’ve never done before (cooking, education, journalism…), remembering my vacations… these are the true adventures of my life, and they’ve only just begun.
Don’t let life AA gives you, take you away from your AA life.
This expression could just as well be, “Don’t let the life recovery gives you take you away from your recovery life.”
i’ve been guilty of this of late, cutting my meetings down to 1 a week when i used to hit 4, reading the Big Book less, not talking to my sponsor… The biggest reason is i have 6 blogs under 3 personae and i love each of them too much to stop.
How do i do it? Thanks to sobriety, i have so much more physical and creative energy. The ideas come on their own and the desire and willingness to sit down and craft them hasn’t come this easily in decades. The only thing i don’t have more of is time!
Thankfully, AA has also taught me to recognize the symptoms of my disease, and i know that i’ve been waking up a little less serene lately and finding myself more impatient in the last few days because i haven’t been going to enough meetings. Thank my Higher Power, these symptoms are easy to cure and i’ve started resuming my regular meeting schedule this week.
As for my blogs? Yes, i know i have to let at least one of them die so i can give more attention to the rest, so i’m leaving it up to my HP and to my life to decide, because i can’t!
Be careful that the good life sobriety brings doesn’t take you away from the sobriety that delivers it!
Photograph by Kyle Thompson.
First off, a huge “Thanks” to those of you who read and commented and sent me good vibes about my last post. Your suggestions really helped put me on the right track. As did a nice talk with my sponsor.
But before i get into that, let me just say i think i was a little misleading in that post. If i came across as a guy wallowing in guilt over my past mistakes, this isn’t the case. i did stupid things when i was drinking and sobriety has given me the clarity to see just how messed up some of those things were. i’m pretty good about ‘Respecting the Past‘ and i have a lot of tools that help me make a mental adjustment when i need to.
The question i popped in that last post was more of a question of semantics, and that’s how i presented it to my Sponsor last night.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
That quote is from the AA Promises and i thought i must be doing something wrong if i still had regrets. My Sponsor, basically, told me this is more of an ideal goal to shoot for, but not achievable for everyone. What’s important is not necessarily eliminating regrets, but more not letting them control me. And i’m cool with that.
i also mentioned my guilt over not being a better parent in the past, though i realized thinking that thought is a dangerous monster to feed. My Sponsor reminded me that every day i’m sober is one more day of “the past” that my children can look back on and remember and think, “Dad did the right thing today.” And it’s more recent to boot, fresher in their minds.
So thanks again, everyone, and here’s a dry toast to kissing regrets goodbye!
i have a lot to learn and, unfortunately, i learn as slow as a snail in syrup.
Today’s example of this is regrets. i’ve posted before about how i do regret my past and i just can’t get (dare i say it? – yes, i dare) past it. i know i’m not supposed to regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, but i do.
i did some pretty shitty things in my past. If it were just me, then yeah, i could probably let it go. But i hurt people in my drunkenness. Badly. i cannot say i don’t regret this.
Now i know i have to accept my past. i can do this. I know i have to recognize my past led me to where i am today and i do. Job done. But i regret hurting loved ones to get here.
If regret means
- Wishing i had not hurt people
- Feeling sad that my drunken decisions adversely affected others
- Experiencing pangs of guilt over my past actions
then i regret the hell out of a lot of the bullshit i pulled back in the day.
But i’m trying to get better. Case in point, i’m opening this up to my readers in general and i’m saying that i don’t know how to stop regretting my past actions and i’m asking you to help me with your advice, suggestions, tips and whatever else it takes to help me get over these regrets!
Thanks in advance, peeps!
You could pig out on candy and not have any dinner.
You should just binge on TV all weekend.
Take another 5-minute break on top of the 18th 5-minute break you’re just finishing.
Just click on one more link.
You owe it to yourself to look for every sexy picture of Amber Heard every leaked online.
You deserve a drink.
Angry Birds is on Facebook!? And you want to write!?
Maybe it’s just me, but i realized the other day that my cravings come in voices. I’m not saying the fish sticks in the freezer are telling me to kill my boss, but when i’m tempted to press the “fuck it” button, the temptation comes in the form of words. Exactly like those above.
The frustrating thing is that i recognize all of those actions won’t make me happy, but i have to take the time to quell the voice before i can enjoy my time. Or sometimes i give in (except for the drink, of course) and feel some degree of bad about it later.
At least now i understand that voice is not right. Before, because it came from inside me, i thought it was what i really wanted. The more meetings i attend and the more service i give, the faster i’m able to recognize the voice as temptation.
But here’s the thing i don’t get. Where does this voice come from? Where inside of me do i get these messages that will lead me to being unhappy?
Sober parents are stars shining over the sea of their kids’ lives.
In times of smooth sailing our stars are simply a reassuring and pleasant presence, but in stormy times our children will be able to look up to us, and navigate through their difficulties by the light of our examples.