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In A Pickle

Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you pickled to see me? sobriety recovery alcoholism

Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you pickled to see me?

A pickle can’t go back to being a cucumber.

One of the first truths i learned in recovery. Alcohol pickled my brain and now i’m permanently an alcoholic. No matter how much not-drinking i do, i will never go back to being a non-alcoholic. i cannot reverse my chemical make up and become “normal” again. It’s like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube, or an adult attempting to believe in Santa Claus once more.

Another take on the “A pickle can’t go back to being a cucumber” theme:

There was this very cool woman in my newcomers meetings. She was sincere, down to earth and humble without being insecure. She once shared that, even if she decided to start drinking again, she could not go back to the drinker she had been. She could no longer be cavalier about her drinking.

i began writing on the internet with a blog that glorified drinking in general, and my own drinking specifically. As an alcoholic in recovery, i still run that blog (after all, i’ve met some people in AA who still continue to tend bar), but if i ever started drinking again, i could never go back to being the guy that opened The Bar None.

The problem with my Devil-May-Care attitude was i found it he did.

[Click here to see other SlogAAns &  sAAyings found in recovery]

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Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Fake It 'Til You Make It Alcoholic Anonymous Sayings expressions

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Act like you are happy / capable / together / outgoing / patient / calm / etc. until you actually are.

i’ve reached a plateau in my recovery, which means i feel like i’m not progressing as i should. i feel worse than usual. Sadder. Angrier. Less patient. Lazier. All of these are signs that i have to be more vigilant about my behavior to avoid a relapse.

One of the tools to combat these feelings is to act as though i were happier, less angry, more patient and productive… “Priming the Pump” is probably the tool i have the most difficulty with because i have the impression i’m being insincere and lying to myself and others.

Still, when i catch my thoughts deteriorating, it doesn’t hurt anyone if i force a smile and hope that it eventually becomes real.

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[As you can see in the header of this blog, i’ve added a new page, called “sAAyings”.  Similar to my GlossAAry of Alcoholic Anonymous terms, this page contains a list (to be updated regularly) of different expressions heard in Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings.]